


Baby touch me (I can feel you)

by Anonymous



Series: take you far away without fear [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aftercare, Angst, Barebacking, Begging, Blood Kink, Bloodplay, Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Choking, Consensual Sex, Desperation, Dom/sub, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Humiliation, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Name-Calling, Porn With Plot, Recreational Drug Use, Rough Sex, Smut, Spanking, Spit Kink, Stress Relief, Taeyong is Bad at Feelings, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 08:27:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15457281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Taeyong licks his lips. He wonders if he’s just a strange boy or if he over trusts Jaehyun, maybe, he’s just as addictive as his pills.





	Baby touch me (I can feel you)

**Author's Note:**

> **disclaimer:** They both have anger issues but everything between them is consensual. I'm in no way romanticizing mental/physical and emotional abuse and drug usage 
> 
> don't like, don't read
> 
> shoutout to my [skinniest taeyong supremacist](https://twitter.com/Ieejoons) for the many hours in the middle of the night we've spent yelling over taeyong being cute with braces and pretty outfits, hehe ily

    Taeyong is laying on the couch, his fingers digging in a large bowl of m&m’s next to him. Jaehyun, on the other side of the tiny living room, tried to avoid confrontation with him. He hated with a burning passion being in the same room with him, just sitting silently.

 

   It’s been almost six days, Taeyong had been living off adderall and Red Bull. He told his classmates he’s too focused on the finals coming to rest or even sit to have a proper night of sleep.

  


Jaehyun knows it’s not just the exams. Taeyong usually doesn’t  straight up ignore his existence, he studied by himself then comes back later cooking some dinner for the both of them. The more Taeyong takes the pills, the worse he gets. He knows that, everyone around him does.

 

Talking is difficult. Hours could pass before Jaehyun found the perfect yet _stupid_ way to word his thoughts without sounding like an idiot talking to Taeyong.

 

Actions speak louder than words, _right?_

 

“Throwing away my pills wasn’t necessary.”

 

Right when Jaehyun turns his head to face him, Taeyong has shoved another handful of chocolate candies in his mouth. If he keeps those pills and the heroine, Taeyong would have lost everything, his scholarship, his friends and his family.

 

Little by little, Jaehyun has noticed how Taeyong started isolating himself from everything he cared about. Even his delicate figure changed, brown hair getting thinner, dark bags under his beautiful glassy eyes.

 

Jaehyun hates himself for _ruining_ him.

  


“I just talked to you,” he’s glaring at him, his voice calm, “You could _at least_ answer me.”

  


Jaehyun runs his hands through his hair, inhaling sharply. Taeyong might hate him but at least he will survive if he stops, now.

 

“You don’t need them Taeyong. I know it’s hard when you’re addicted but you can’t let that ruin everything you worked hard for.”

  


The older one couldn’t help but laugh bitterly as he sat straight, pointing at Jaehyun. “And I don’t fucking need you yet you’re still here. You don’t know how much money I wasted because of you.”

 

He stops talking, his bottom lip shaking. Jaehyun _knows_ damn well how upset he is although he couldn’t give in. He would normally but not this time. All Jaehyun has ever wanted is to see his friend get healthier, even if it meant being hated forever by him.

 

Taeyong looks down at his bowl, now half empty of candies, before looking up at Jaehyun. They remained silent for a moment. With a sigh, he looks at his friend, busy gritting his teeth even though he _knows_ Jaehyun hates  that noise with a burning passion.

 

“Listen Yongie-”

 

Before he could finish his sentence, Taeyong grabs the bowl initially on the table and threw it across the room. Barely missing Jaehyun, it lands on the wall behind him and crashes in more or less big pieces, causing the youngest to flinch _._ Crouched down, he covers his head with his hands and stares down in case Taeyong decides  to hit him for real this time.

 

As he counted the blue m&ms around him, his chest slowly goes up and down with each breath he took. his stomach flipped the moment Taeyong stood up and started walking towards him.

  


“Stupid whore, don’t call me like that,” he spits, kicking the table on his way.

  


Taeyong watches Jaehyun flinching. If only he was less stupid and didn’t throw away his pills, Taeyong wouldn’t be as upset as he is. Instead of looking up, Jaehyun bites his bottom lip until red coated his teeth and his pink lips. He brushes the tip of his fingers against his lips, tasting his own blood.

 

With a sigh, Taeyong crouches down, wrapping his fingers on the broomstick he’s about to use on the younger _stupid_ boy in front of him.

 

If only he wasn’t so _fucking_ stupid, Taeyong wouldn’t need to beat him up, right?

 

Eyes full of fear, Jaehyun held onto the broomstick, bringing it towards him. He tried his best to stop his body from shaking.

 

“Please. Listen, I’m sorry Taeyong.”

 

And Taeyong laughs. his glossy lips parted, transparent braces slightly tainted by the m&m’s, the blue rubber band stretch when he smiles. Curly red bangs moving along his head as he starts holding onto his stomach. Jaehyun swears  to himself Taeyong is absolutely the most beautiful person he’s ever met in any circumstances. If he could, he would kiss his cheeks right next to the crooked heart tattooed in pastel pink. He would also draw constellations with Taeyong’s adorable freckles.

 

But right now, Jaehyun can’t. He knows Taeyong too damn well and from that bitter laugh, he expects the older one to hit him harder.

 

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Taeyong grins, shaking his bangs off his eyes. Even like that, Jaehyun loves  him. He can die for him, give everything up just to keep Taeyong in his life.

 

“I’m just,” he tightened his grip on the broomstick, “I just don’t want you to hit me again.”

 

“Am I supposed to be intimidated by you? You stupid little brat.”

 

Jaehyun swallows, heat reaching his cheeks. He smiles sheepishly before opening his mouth, “I’m not _that_ stupid.”

 

Taeyong bends a little, tilting his head to the side, smirking. He giggles to himself, knowing Jaehyun is scared of him. his only mistake has  been the pills but even that is a great one. His pills made him complete. Not always happy but at least content and gave him something he lacked of. It isn’t exactly Jaehyun’s fault if he couldn’t live without them though. Yet, if he had to blame someone, it’s Jaehyun for sure.

 

“Then, _oh big boy_ hit me,” he sing-songs euphoric. Jaehyun is definitely not any better than him anyway, he smokes, eats a cocktail of pills instead of snacks and  sniffs random products.

Sometimes, when Taeyong has visited him before class -only to steal pills or cash, he would see Jaehyun’s unconscious body with a syringe laying next to him, drool dripping down the corner of his lips. He’s either dead or passed out.

  


Jaehyun raises his eyebrows, confused. _Hit me?_ Why would he hit him? Taeyong pokes his lips with the long shaft, waiting for Jaehyun to open his mouth.

 

“Stupid coward open up,” he mutters, shoving the stick into the younger’s mouth.

 

Jaehyun can’t help his soft moan when the wooden stick hits the back of his throat causing him to gag. A giggle leaves Taeyong’s mouth, when he gags again. “You love me?”

  


“I love you Taeyong,” Jaehyun sobs, teary eyes when Taeyong throws the broomstick at his face. What is he even supposed to do with that?

 

“Are you going to hit me now or do you want me to fucking kill you?”

  


Jaehyun shudders while standing up with the broomstick in his hands, knuckles turning white with the pressure he puts on it. Carefully, he positions himself, the right angle so he wouldn’t hurt his friend. Wait. Are they still friends?

 

Taeyong rolls his eyes when he receives the first hit. _Fucking_ weak as expected from Jaehyun. “Fucking iste of space. I should’ve left you dead whenever you started convulsing and choking like a bitch. You really want to lecture me when every day you never know if you’re going to wake up or if you’re just going to die in your bed like a fucking loser.”

  


It really takes Jaehyun a lot before anger gets the best of him, he knows he should feel bad when he hits Taeyong with the broomstick so hard his back bangs the tea table. If only Taeyong could shut up and listen instead of ordering him around. Not that Taeyong doesn’t deserve it but Jaehyun could’ve hit him gently.

 

His regrets quickly leave the moment Taeyong giggles, pink cheeks, teeth out, reddish from probably biting his cheeks until he started bleeding. “More. I know you-”

 

He’s silenced when his face is slammed against the table, Jaehyun’s foot digging in his head as he felt the stick smashing his back. Taeyong covers his mouth when he hiccuped, drool dripping down his chin. _Shut up, Shut up, Shut up._ With his eyes clenched shut, Jaehyun growls, hitting again despite Taeyong’s loud sobs.

 

A loud crack followed by a deep groan brought him back to reality. He broke it. Before Jaehyun could even process that, he crouched down next to Taeyong. The moment he brings his hand close to his face, Jaehyun steps back a little only to see him pant loudly. His yellow shorts are stained with precum as he palms himself through the fabric.

 

“You’re fucking gross Taeyong.”

 

He swallows. _Hard_ . Licking his lips as he raises Taeyong’s shirt a little. A mix of dark and red bruises covered his back. Should he feel bad? Not really. Taeyong could be pretty fucking stubborn when he wanted to. Even before he’s started taking pills, he could have random anger outbursts whereas Jaehyun has _always_ stayed quiet.

 

This sight drives Jaehyun crazy. Taeyong doesn’t stop touching himself, bony fingers brushing over his crotch as he brings the others to his mouth, bottom lip shivering the moment he licks the tip of his fingers.

 

_Fuck._

 

“I’m fucking gross,” he whispers absentmindedly before looking up with teary eyes, flushed cheeks.

 

Jaehyun expects him to talk when he parts his lips, there’s hesitation in his eyes. He feels his stomach flipping the moment Taeyong mumbles to himself.

 

“What? Talk to me please,” Jaehyun whispers. He wants to call Taeyong stunning at that moment, but he is afraid of his reaction. Taeyong already knows that Jaehyun would do anything for him.

 

With his long fingers, Taeyong tugs on his waistband, the swollen tip of his cock teased by the friction of the fabric made Jaehyun pant, needy.

 

“Your mouth, _please_ ,” he finally says, noticing the confused look Jaehyun has given him he adds, “I want to fuck your mouth, Jae.”

 

There’s a silence from both sides. Taeyong drags his pointer finger across the tip of his cock, lip shivering. That’s all Jaehyun needs before nodding with a sheepish grin, shifting slightly to kneel down, bottom flat on his feet. His eyes flutter as Taeyong stands up, pulling him back by his hair forcing Jaehyun to tilt his head and look up.

 

“See when you want you’re not _that_ stupid,” he coos, shoving a handful of m &m’s in his mouth, “Open up for me.”

 

Jaehyun parts his lips, Taeyong feels so damn good. He loves everything about him, from his colorful hair clips shaped like fruits to his porcelain skin bruised from how hard Jaehyun hit him with the broomstick. And now this, he sighs satisfied, hard only thanks to Taeyong’s pretty cock filling his mouth as it hits the back of his throat.

 

Whimpers echo in the room as the older boy fucks into his mouth harder, his fingers gripping the brown hair so hard his knuckles turn white. He could only see Jaehyun who’s working really hard for him, only him. Listening to the choking sounds makes him wonder. Is this how Jaehyun would sound if he choked him? Would he whine like that, a deep flush across his face, messy hair and obedient as a puppy.

 

“I’d come soon,” he rolls his eyes, slamming Jaehyun’s face back to the base of his cock, listening to the boy who struggles to breathe between his gags, “But I want you to fuck me. Maybe.”

 

Taeyong pulls out, his cock throbbing at the contact with the cold air in contrast of Jaehyun’s warm mouth. He starts stroking himself so fast and Jaehyun keeps his mouth wide open, eyes full of stars for Taeyong.

 

“Open up,” Taeyong mumbles before placing a light peck on Jaehyun’s nose. A long string of colored saliva with bits of chocolate and candies falls into Jaehyun’s mouth. “You’re so useless. Useless bitch.” His voice cracks when Jaehyun eagerly nodded, his tongue out. He can’t help tightening his grip on Jaehyun’s hair when he feels close, his stomach filled with butterflies and chest full. “Now prove me you’re not just a _stupid fag,_ destroy me and make me your bitch.”

  


Taeyong barely has finished speaking that Jaehyun pulls him in by his neck and kisses him. His tongue brushes against the older’s who _tries_ to suppress his moans the moment he feels the familiar metallic taste of blood. It must have happened when Jaehyun had firstly slammed their lips together, his braces and the wire cutting them both.

 

Jaehyun slowly pulls out, his hand still wrapped around Taeyong’s neck, eyes lingering on his tiny, fragile and bruised body. Poor thing looks so pathetic wearing his large shirt, which barely covered anything, his cock making a mess wetting his only piece of clothing. With tied hands and legs and _maybe_ a blindfold, Jaehyun could play around with his body to see how well it can be marked and hurt.

 

He picks up a piece of the broken bowl and walks to Taeyong with bright eyes. It’s not that big but sharp enough  “Close your mouth whore or make you useful and suck my fingers or something.” With a quick nod, he moves forward, taking three fingers between his lips before sucking on them. When he sees Jaehyun holding up the piece between his fingers, Taeyong licks his lips. He wonders if he’s just a strange boy or if he over trusts Jaehyun, _maybe_ , he’s just as addictive as his pills.

 

Their eyes meet for a good second, Jaehyun brings him closer to him, thumb pressing against his throat and he waits until Taeyong shows any sign of disapproval. Even though he asked for the pain, Jaehyun would try his best to stay as lucid as possible. With a body like his, he can easily break Taeyong’s legs or any bones he wants without too much effort. He can easily smash Taeyong against the wall until the boy passes out and even like that, bloody face and puffy eyes, he’d look divine. Fuck. Jaehyun _needs_ to fuck him in his own bed. Taeyong just for him in his bed, that’s even better than everything he’s thought of. He drops Taeyong’s neck and twirls the piece of the broken bowl he has between his fingers, walking to his bedroom.

 

Jaehyun waits for footsteps behind but Taeyong stands awkwardly in the middle of the living room, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Guess I’m simply gonna jack off in my bed if you’re useless as shit,” Jaehyun swallows some m&m’s, voice low and condescending, “You either crawl like a fucking pig to get plowed or you can stay here wetting yourself with that sad almost pathetic excuse of a dick you got there.”

 

He doesn’t have time to brace himself when Taeyong joins him in the bedroom, wrapping his tiny arms around Jaehyun’s waist, his cock pressed against his ass. Hard. Leaking precum. As if he wants to tease Jaehyun, giving him everything he wants. “What do you think you’re doing? If you fucking come, I’m gonna beat the shit out of you Taeyong. I will kill you with my own bare hands so fuck off and lay on this goddamn bed.”

 

Taeyong ignores Jaehyun’s glare when he laid down, his sickly thin legs shaking as the younger sits between them, forcing them open with one leg. He just wants to come already. Jaehyun’s clothed boner is pressing over his ass. The simple thought of Jaehyun fucking him merciless is enough to make Taeyong whimper in pleasure.

  


Silence fills the whole room as Jaehyun drags the sharp broken glass over Taeyong’s throat, stopping at the belly button. After a moment, blood starts running down the boy’s ribcage. With one finger, Jaehyun draws hearts on the porcelain skin. Small ones all over his body. _Fuck, Taeyong is so fucking gorgeous._ Blinking a little to get rid of the tears building in his eyes, Taeyong feels his own heart flipping when Jaehyun rests his forehead against his.

 

“Imagine if you died today, I’d be pretty damn lucky to be the last one seeing you this,” he whispers, bloody fingers resting on Taeyong’s lips, “lovely.”

 

He notices the way Taeyong buck his hips and arch his back desperately. “Please Jaehyun, I can’t last too long like this.” Jaehyun rams his knee into his groin and presses his hand down his bladder, his lips curling into a smile once Taeyong starts sobbing at the pain and pressure on him. His pleadings get more erratic when Jaehyun curls his fingers covered in blood around his own cock, stroking himself even though he’s already hard. Taeyong licks his lips when he sees how swollen and red the tip of the cock is, Jaehyun has always amazed him.

 

He bends down to lick the strange mix of blood and saliva on the corner of Taeyong’s mouth, purposely avoiding his lips. Instead he goes straight to his collarbone and briefly sucks on the thin skin until it turns red. His free hand rummages moods the drawer next to his bed only to pick up a bottle of lube and pour a good amount of his cock. Taeyong keeps staring when he sees Jaehyun setting his knee back onto the bed.

 

“Are you gonna fuck me now?” Taeyong asks breathless, his hand cupping Jaehyun’s cheek, leaving a red stain on his pale skin. “Please… Please.”

 

In hardly a second, Jaehyun pushes into him, one hand flat on his stomach, the other holding onto the headboard of the bed. Taeyong moans, closes his eyes only to get slapped across the face and dragged forward so Jaehyun can kiss him. It’s gross, his mouth is wide open, thrown back, letting Jaehyun lick his tongue before he releases his grip on his hair.

 

“Fuck you’re so fucking pretty,” The words make Taeyong choke on a sob. He's definitely on edge, even more, when the younger tugs on his cock, his nails brush against the sensitive spot and Taeyong wonders if he's about to implode.

 

“I- I think I need to pee Jae,” he cries out and Jaehyun presses his elbow on his lower stomach still jerking him off. “Please stop I’m gonna pee.”

 

Jaehyun rolls his hips harder, fucking into him deeper despite Taeyong’s cries. He doesn’t have time to think of he’s actually about to wet himself or if he’s just aroused. And that sight, Taeyong arches his back so hard he might break his spine, he just _needs_ more of Jaehyun. More pain. More pleasure and maybe those kisses he peppers all over Taeyong’s neck and chest.

 

“You’re not gonna pee,” Jaehyun says calmly before dropping Taeyong’s cock, it bounces back on his stomach resting in his the mess of blood. Taeyong just wants to close his eyes and calm down, this overwhelming feeling in his chest blinds him. He doesn’t know if he’s about to come, if he’s just so fucked he can’t even control his own bladder.

 

Jaehyun’s gaze locks on him, his bruised thighs spread on the bed, his tiny waist he harshly grabs, scratching him in the process. He groans when blood spills all over the sheets, noting he will have to keep them somewhere safe so he can always remember this moment. Sex with Taeyong has been a rollercoaster ride since they’ve met, from the first time they hooked up back in the days when Taeyong and he were still straight As students, jerking each other off in the back of the library to the mornings, Jaehyun woke up to Taeyong riding him. They stopped everything when Taeyong started taking those pills recommended by Jaehyun. The lazy morning sex became shoot up sessions and meetings with new dealers. Jaehyun has fucking missed Taeyong under his touch.

All he wants is to take his time with him, thrusting into him slowly but surely, his orgasm building in his stomach.

 

“Jaehyun?” Taeyong shivers, tugging on his lip as he tries to concentrate. It’s just so hard to form a proper sentence, align his thought to make sense when Jaehyun rolls his hips forward hitting his prostate over and over even though he’s on edge already. But Jaehyun stops thrusting as he sees Taeyong’s expression. “One day I came home from,” he breathes out , “the library or whatever. You fucking pissed me off that day. I had a fucking long day, okay? It was 2am, you were in your bed. Shaking and shit. I remember how coughed blood and you were sleeping. I hoped you were gonna finally die of an overdose,” he laughs bitterly when Jaehyun frowns, “I watched you struggling, a good ten minutes before going back to my bedroom.”

 

Jaehyun wraps one hand around Taeyong’s neck. _He did what?_ “What the fuck did you do?” he barks. Taeyong just stays here with a sly grin on his lips. What drives Jaehyun crazy is how Taeyong just admitted this to upset him, he could’ve just never mentioned it yet he just said it to hurt his feelings. He wishes he felt bad once he tightens his grip on Taeyong’s neck, gathering all his strength to squeeze his windpipe. Maybe, it’s the dumbest idea but he doesn’t have time to worry right now about this stupid, self centered piece of shit he fell in love with. At first Taeyong doesn’t really react at the pressure on his neck until Jaehyun rocks his hips so hard, Taeyong’s head is slammed against the headboard and he gasps for air.

 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid_

  


“Fuck you ,” Jaehyun mutters and glares at Taeyong as his head bumped against the headboard again harder this time, ignoring how Taeyong closes his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. All he feels is his own orgasm coming when Taeyong lets out something between a whimper and a gag. He counts the second knowing if he keeps pressing even thirsty more seconds, Taeyong would die or suffer from brain damage.

 

It takes him only one last thrust to come in Taeyong. The bed squeaks and knocks hard against the wall. Jaehyun pulls out slowly, kneeling again so he can lay his tongue flat on Taeyong’s stomach to lick the puddle of blood and cum. _He has a sweet taste._ His little chest raises slowly as he takes his breath.

  


When Taeyong opens his eyes, Jaehyun is laying next to him, a lazy hand wrapped around his waist while he’s lighting up a blunt. How long was he out? As if Jaehyun could hear his thoughts, he combs through his hair with a tiny smile. “Ten minutes I guess or maybe twenty.” His thumb brushes against his cheekbones and Taeyong feels his cheeks heat up from the intensity of his gaze. He’s searching words for a moment before he settles with a simple,“You’re really the prettiest, yongie.”

 

At those words, Taeyong bites down a smile as he grabs the blunt and takes a long drag of it before blowing a white cloud of smoke in the air. It feels so innocent in comparison to all the drugs they had tried together yet in this moment, Taeyong doesn’t miss his pills.

 

Jaehyun’s heart misses a beat when Taeyong flashes him a large grin. He ran a hand through his hair, smiling back at him as he leans forward to kiss his cheek.

 

“We’re really two junkies,” Taeyong giggles, his fingers playing with the bandaids Jaehyun has put him on his chest. They have animal shapes and flowers drawn on them, Jaehyun finds them pretty just like Taeyong.

 

“I’m sorry I hurt you like that,” Jaehyun frowns despite Taeyong’s reassuring look. Even if he doesn’t care, it matters to Jaehyun, no one deserves to be beaten up like that. Especially Taeyong.

 

He deserves the whole universe and even more.

 

“If I didn't want it, I would’ve asked you to stop,” Taeyong rolls his eyes as he blows smoke into Jaehyun’s face. “You enjoyed it as much as I did.”

 

Jaehyun nods, he still feels bad. At least, Taeyong looks calmer. Even if Jaehyun can’t really protect him since he’s still struggling with his own issues, Taeyong has him for as long as he wants him. He knows he has to take in every moment he spend by his side like it’s the last one but he still loves him unconditionally.

 

And when Taeyong moves on top of him, blushing a bit from the little _yongie_ he whispers in his ear, and laces their fingers together, his heart beats faster.

 

“Love you hyunie,” he sing-songs before laying down again with his eyes fluttering.

 

They both know they somehow need to fix everything but some things are just better left unsaid.

  


 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> WHEW 
> 
> that was a long and difficult ride but well... jaeyong is worth it. Maybe i'll make a series out of this if anyone's interested 
> 
> hehe thanks for reading my mess ♡
> 
>  
> 
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/veganyukhei)


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